How to Negotiate Anything

by Dannie De Novo

Follow up from Good Day LA 12-4-23

At this point in my legal career, I have negotiated thousands upon thousands of agreements, and I use the same techniques whether I’m buying a new car for myself or negotiating a deal for hundreds of millions of dollars on behalf of a client.

Negotiation is more than a skill, it’s a delicate art, and honestly, the more authentic you are as a human being, the better you will do at the negotiation table.

First, I want you to you to consider the ideas of trust and rapport.

Establishing trust is fundamental to successful negotiations. Without a foundation of trust, it becomes challenging to reach agreements. Again, being authentic is important because people sense when you are being disingenuous. Now, I’m not saying to give up all your secrets and show all your cards, but you need to approach the negotiations intending to come to an agreement and with the intent to negotiate in good faith.

And when the other side senses trustworthiness, then it is much easier for you to assume rapport. You have to walk into the room like you are a likeable person and that the other party is going to want to work this out with you.

You need to watch your body language here. Don’t walk in nervously or meekly. This is what I always say to myself chin up, shoulders back, eyes forward. Forward always forward. Don’t be stiff as a board. Don’t nervously giggle or talk incessantly to fill up voids.

To assume rapport, you cannot give off easy prey or underdog energy. You need to walk in and remain an equal. Maybe you aren’t an equal when it comes to bargaining power, but you are equal as human beings.

Stop looking at negotiation as a war and start looking at it as a collaboration

All parties are coming to a negotiation because they want something, and a lot of times, a lot of what both sides want can be agreed upon. Start with you do agree on rather than what you don’t. Then, when you come to the terms that are in disagreement, look to their self-interests instead of your own. This requires you to do your homework before the meeting.

Here's an example. when you go to buy a car, you want to leave with a car but at a reasonable price. But the salesperson wants and needs to show their manager a sale. If they don’t sell, they don’t keep their job very long. And they are incentivized to sell more. Plus, the dealerships want your repeat business.

Adhere to your line of integrity

Some people like to refer to your bottom line, but I don’t like that concept. It sounds defeatist to me and a little bit shady. I like to call it your line of integrity, which is the line you will not pass with respect to money or morality.

You need to set this boundary before you even begin a negotiation and make it clear because you need to know when you are about to step over that line.

In some cases, maybe you can’t adhere to it with respect to money. The fair market value of something vs what you want to pay for it may not be in alignment. But you need to make that a visibly conscious choice to yourself and weigh the consequences before stepping over that line. And if you find yourself drifting over that line when it comes to morality, you need to rethink where the negotiations are headed.

Keep yourself calm, and the best I have found to do that is to do my “what happens if I walk away?” exercise

Worst case scenario, if you walked away, what would happen? Now, sometimes there is a lot at stake, but for most of your negotiations, there’s not as much to lose as you might think. Keep things in perspective.

If you don’t get the car, you can find another one. If you don’t get the house, yeah it’s disappointing, maybe even heartbreaking, but you can find another.

You might lose time and energy. You might lose some money, but in the end, you want to maintain your line of integrity.

The key to negotiation is balance. You can be empathetic and not be a pushover. You can disagree with someone and not be a disagreeable person. You can hold a line of integrity and still be collaborative. It’s not about all or nothing—it’s about compromise.