5 Steps to Forgiving Yourself
By Dannie De Novo
I talk a lot about forgiveness—forgiveness of the past, forgiveness of self. But how do you let go and abandon ideas or feelings that have a profound grip on your heart and soul?
You just let go.
Easier said than done, I know it! So, below I have given you 5 steps to help you on your forgiveness journey.
Step 1 keep the past out of the present and the future
The past is in the past. Leave it there. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. No amount of guilt or shame or anger or hatred will change it. No amount of wishing for a different past will yield one. So, let it go.
Start paying attention to your thoughts. If you are harboring thoughts of hatred toward yourself (or others), you haven’t forgiven. If you become upset when thinking about a past situation, you haven’t forgiven. Carrying around these emotions with you today and into the future is only harming you. You don’t need to perpetually punish yourself. Take the lesson learned and move forward.
You were doing the best you could, given your set of circumstances, the amount of support you had and your level of understanding and insight at the time. So, give the past you a break and forgive that older version of yourself. You are deserving of your own forgiveness even if no one else will grant forgiveness to you.
Let go of the past. You aren’t living there anymore. You are living here, today. And today it is of the upmost importance that you find and hold on to your good mood.
Step 2 be okay with mistakes; don’t blame anything external
It is okay to make mistakes. It really is okay. But, own your mistakes. Admit to them.
You and you alone are responsible for the things that happen in your life. Get comfortable with this idea. Stop blaming other people for what has gone wrong. Stop blaming the Universe for what has gone wrong.
And, once you accept this concept, also accept that it is okay to screw up, even in a big, big way. But own your mistakes and then learn from them. That is why you are here—to learn life’s lessons. And you can’t learn if you never fail. Mistakes and failure are a necessary part of the process. Embrace them.
Step 3 think about what you want, not what you don’t want
Make the decision to forgive and then, actually forgive.
It really comes down to just making the decision. Once you have made that decision, stop thinking about the past. If the past creeps up into your thoughts, gently nudge the thoughts aside and think about something else.
If you are focused on the pain and on the negative emotions of the past, that is exactly the kind of stuff you are going to create now and in the future. What you think about, you create.
So, stop the negative thought cycle and think about what you do want instead of what you don’t. A good way to start doing this is with…
Step 4 gratitude
It is difficult to feel anything negative when you are thinking about what you appreciate in life. Thinking about what you are thankful for immediately shifts your vibration to a higher level. It also shifts your focus from the past to the present. Gratitude elevates your mood. It raises you up and fills you up and makes you lighten up on yourself.
So, put a daily gratitude practice into place. You can even find things to be grateful for in the past. Just remember to think about the good (what you want) and not the bad (what you don’t want).
Step 5 meditation
The last step is integrating meditation into your daily life.
You cannot make the leap to living on a higher frequency, i.e. getting into a better mood, without incorporating a spirituality practice into your daily routine and lifestyle. In order for anything to manifest or come to fruition, the idea must pass from the physical plane you inhabit into the realm of Universal intelligence. There is only one way this can happen—through a spiritual connection.
Meditation will give you answers to your questions while also allowing you to let go of anything you are holding on to that no longer serves you. Meditation allows for a more enlightened existence, and enlightenment means being free of shame, guilt, anger and hatred. Meditation is your gateway to true and lasting forgiveness.
This is a just a short explanation of how I achieve forgiveness of self. The concepts I talk about in each step are more fully explained in the course. If you have further questions, feel free to reach out to me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @danniedenovo.